Thursday, November 18, 2010

New Shirts.

We have new shirts for sale in our spreadshirt shop. A couple of them were designed by Aleks.

I am also still taking commissions for full-page digital illustrations of whatever you want for $40. Email me or just click on the paypal link below.

I think I've made it generally well-known how uncomfortable I am with self-advertising, or self-promotion, or generally having a self at all, but I'm trying to get better. As I scooped out my porridge for One Meal today, I realized telling people that they can pay you to draw things isn't such an ignoble pursuit. 'How did he get to this porridge-lined road of tragedy?' you may currently be asking yourself. Well, my story is the same as the stories of many Americans in our current economic predicament.

Four years ago, at almost exactly this time of year, I lost my job. I worked in an office doing some vaguely soul-crushing work that may or may not have been affiliated with NASA and may or may not have involved extra-dimensional travel and/or using In-Design. After I was let go, I decided to embark on the freelance career of my dreams. I knew it wouldn't be easy. Gathering the 12 enchanted, peacock feathers from around the globe was not simple or inexpensive. Airline travel is not what it once was and catching birds is much harder than it looks. It took me a couple of years but I did it.

I set upon making my 'peacock coat of serene movement.' There was a learning curve. I was versed in neither sewing nor magic. But I knew I had to educate myself quickly or my enemies would destroy me. I sewed day and night.

Months later, the coat was ready to wear. But it was the summer. I waited until the winter. I discovered the joy of Twitter, I was content in my mission.

Donning the peacock coat of serene movement, I moved with a grace unseen in New Jersey since the Great Dancers Revolt of 1850. I strutted down the street. Children cried. Women phoned their lawyers to file divorce papers.

But I was broke.

I turned to catwalking in front of the local 7-11 for some quick cash. I was making hundreds of dollars a day walking back and forth, my hips on fire, the public dazzled. Then the market changed.

People no longer need or want a glance at a beautiful movement in a 7-11 parking lot. They have YouTube. They have Photoshop. They can google 'beauty' all fucking day if they want to.

Distraught, I have turned to designing t-shirts and drawing things for money. The peacock coat is in the closet along with America's metaphorical peacock coat, in America's metaphorical closet. The story is the same from shore to shore.


Stanley Lieber said...

i read somewhere that this predicament may only be resolved through the restoration of german pride.

Megan Wampler said...

I like peacocks; I still remember; the first semi-colon impressed you with my punctuation skills and the second disappointed you.